A lot can happen in 8 years

 HELLO!!!! It has been forever since I've written, well 8 years....do people even read blogs anymore? Does anyone read anything anymore? Will I have to make mindless 20 second clips on tik tok to feel relevant? Today is my birthday and I thought what better way to celebrate than to get the ball rolling again!

So much has changed in the past 8 years, the only thing that seems to be the same today from the last time I wrote is my car that I drive (which for the record is still not paid off) and my love of being a mother....I am remarried, I had another baby, a sweet little boy, I have a whole new career, I bought my dream house while I was a single mother.....

    I have certainly missed writing my blog and always hoped that I could get back to it one day. I realized just a few months ago that now would a good time for me to begin again. I lost my Aunt, who was my best friend and I was going through my old emails from her and saw an old blog I had sent her and her reaction to it made me so happy that it just hit me- I need to write again. I loved it and writing made me happy. This will help me get through my grief. Not to mention, my Aunt was the person with whom I shared my thoughts and goals, who will I talk to now?

    I found another email exchange between us from over 10 years ago where I had asked her for her Life List and it was such a delight to reflect on her dreams, many of which she was never able to complete....I want to go through her list, I want to check off the things she didn't have the time to do. I think that will keep her close in my heart. Grief is hard and for me I find that the best way to cope is to keep busy, which is easy for me now being that I have an 11 month old baby boy AND I'm working full time so that certainly helps. 

    Upon all this 'reflecting' I realized how much my blog had motivated myself! I forgot how much I did because of my blog....I never would have gotten braces as an adult! I don't know that I would have lost as much weight as I did after having my daughter-WHICH BY THE WAS WAS 100 LBS!  It gave me something to write about and pushed me to accomplish my goals. I always enjoyed writing about my adventures, experiences, dreams and goals but when I got divorced and became a single mom I just didn't have time and emotionally I had to deal with the divorce...not only did i carry my grief of the divorce I had to carry my daughters as well. I know there are a lot of people having 'divorce parties' these days- which I'm sure is just a distraction but the truth is that divorce is no fun and especially when children are involved there is no good way to celebrate a heart that is broken particularly if it's the heart of a 5 year old little girl. My ex husband moved out 1 week after my daughter Zeeva's fifth birthday. She was little and not one moment of such a big change like this was easy. To say that I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy is an understatement...."God hates divorce because it hurts the people HE loves". 

    As challenging as being a single mom was, we really were a team and absolutely rocked it. We have always been very close and going through this together created an unbreakable bond. It WAS hard but I will always cherish our time together and I HOPE that she was able to learn a lot during this period, I certainly think it strengthened her spirit. As my daughter got a little older she discovered my blog on her own and much to my delight, she really likes it! She tells me all the time that she shows it to people and since she was the reason I started writing it in the first place. This is my love letter to my children, my advice to them and a place they can always come to for moms stories and inspiration. My goal in writing publicly  before and is now to be living proof that you can be a middle class person and have the life you want and accomplish your dreams and goals...it just takes effort and a desire to work for it. 

    Eight years ago my (ex) husband left me when I was a stay at home mom, I had just a part time job, ZERO benefits, I had a house and became a single mom and had to completely change my life WHILE going through the "Emotions'. The ONLY help that I had was my mom, my mom retired in large part to help me with my daughter and because of my mom watching her I was able to alter the course of my life. The other was prayer. At every turn I SUNK MY FAITH IN GOD and each time HE SHOWED UP AND DID MORE THAN I COULD HAVE THOUGHT OR EVEN IMAGINED. And because of that here's what I was able to accomplish and get through....

1.  I started a new career 
2.  I sold my house
3.  I bought my dream house!! AND IT HAS A POOL AND A HOT TUB!!!!
4.  I had 4 surgeries
5.  I had a miscarriage 
6.  I lost my grandpa
7.  I got remarried to a man who treats me in the way I always dreamed of
8.  I had another baby, a little boy who's filled my heart with more joy than I could've ever imagined
9.  I lost my Aunt, my biggest source of support 
10.  I took 13 vacations filled with pictures, experiences and memories I will treasure forever

I have gone through some really hard things where I have had moments thinking 'how am I going to get through this?' And then I did....and I'm the happiest I've ever been. The journey to get here was not easy, it was physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting- I had no idea all of these things would happen in my lifetime but my takeaway that I could pass along to anyone struggling to get through a difficult time would be...a lot can change in a year...in 2 years...in 8 years...and no matter where you are 'some of your best days haven't even happened yet'.  

My goals now for this blog are to continue to tell my life listing stories and hopefully encourage others to live their best lives no matter their means, situation or background.

     Like I said, I'm not sure people even read blogs anymore but I'm going to start here just because it's a decent place to begin with the eventual goal move to my own website-there's so much I've learned and done and am ready to share with you! 

Now, I know I have a lot of revamping to do and have to figure out how remove all the pictures of my ex husband- I created it so I can certainly do it again! I'd love for you to join me on this new chapter!!

The Best Days of our Lives Haven't Happened Yet

It's been so long since I've written but it's been such a difficult year. I wouldn't wish a divorce on the worst person I know- there is almost nothing worse a person could go through. I don't know how much i'll talk about it but there are a thousand postivite quotes I've turned to over the last year and one of my favorites is "what a wonderful thought that some of the best days of your life haven't happened yet".

So I might bring it up here and there but to be honest it's all been far more awful than anyone needs to know. Disappointing things have happened this year but some really great things have happened too. I did find that I have a few phenomenal family members and friends who are truly there for me and are the definition of genuine and good people. I am nothing if not incredibly blessed.

I realized that I can get stuck focusing on "right now" and not the bigger picture I can totally fixate on the issues in my life that are happening today instead of considering where I want to be this time next year...or where I could be in 5 years...10 years! I've got a new outlook and a new approach on how to live life as a single mom. It is not easy but we're a great team and we're doing our best and we're gonna kill it!

I made of list of 15 things I want to start working towards this year- even if they're not accomplished I want to start making strides...to be successful you just have to be better than you were a year ago and even though this year has been so hard I can say with absolute certainty that I am a better person and my life is better today than it was a year ago today.




So I'm going to change my blog a little and make it a little more personal, I'm going to share what's it's like really like to be a parent of a 6 year old, what's it's like to date in what my friend unfortunately refers to as "THE BEARD ERA" and continue to share my adventures!

                     "SINK YOUR FAITH IN GOD AND HE WILL SHOW UP"

Milestone

If you didn't read my post last week about having the worst year ever you probably should since it all ties together. Basically I've announced that I am getting divorced. Now I have so many things I want to write about and in doing so with the hope that it might help someone out there...not necessarily someone who's divorced, thinking about it or going through it but anyone who's struggling...with anything. We all have seasons in life that we don't want to go through and it's hard...especially when you feel like everyone around you is thriving. That's how I'm feeling right now anyways... I'm broke financially, I'm broken emotionally and my heart is so broken that is agonizing at times. I'm a mess...for the first time in my life. When I look at my life all I see is my messy house, that my health insurance will be cancelled in a few weeks and that my daughters school project is 4 days late. Being a single person is one thing...probably even considerably enjoyable but being a single mom is just hard. Going from being so dependent on my husband to being the only person responsible and accountable for every single thing all day every day is exhausting and overwhelming. So my hope is that if anyone reading this is suffering just know that you're not alone and even though life might suck right now the odds are that it'll get better....and if it doesn't I'm just going to join the Navy.
  
      Lately I feel like all I've been seeing is couples holding hands and gazing into each others eyes while they fondly call each other adorable pet names or I'm hearing one success story after another. To make matters worse I do work in the floral industry which in large part revolves around weddings, so It's like being punched in the face over and over again....here's where I am in life-on Sunday my 5 year old talked me into going to church with the promise of a Boston Cream Donut afterwards. And It worked. Flattery and chocolate are my biggest motivators.
Seeing couples and families who are happy and in love is quite honestly very annoying right now, and my God they are everywhere. I probably won't ever say much about the actual breakdown in my marriage but I will say that where this divorce is NOT something that I want I can certainly take responsibility and accountability for my part in this collapse. He is a good person but I took our time together for granted. I will always love him and care deeply for him.

     As I mentioned I have a lot of things that I want to share and I promise they are more lighthearted than this one will be but I feel like I have to share my milestone this week in order to do my future stories justice. One week ago yesterday I woke up, took my daughter to school and flew back into bed as quickly as possible. I had the flu.... I had bronchitis and I was sad...I miss my husband, I miss having my team mate to help me out with my daughter on a daily basis and take care of me when I'm sick also I really miss having my best friend to talk to every day about everything that happens in life.  I cried for an hour and a half. And I prayed. I prayed for God to rescue me because I couldn't feel like this anymore. And in the blink of an eye, it just stopped, it was like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders, the burdens in my heart disappeared and all my worry, fear and angst just went away. I have felt good all day every day for the past week...for the first time in months. I realized that I had been drowning for 5 straight months. In these past 9 days I haven't cried even once when for months I had spent most of my days in tears.

    I'm finally to a point in this 'season' of my life where I'm able and ready to accept my reality and move forward. I've put all my concerns and worries in hands of God and now I'm trying to just do my best and find humor in those moments when everything is going wrong. I can only hope and assume that the good Lord will take all of this hurt and this extremely difficult life change and use it......and redeem it.

            "God always has and always will use the most broken people to do great things"

Worst year ever....

2015 was extremely difficult for me that's why I haven't written in over a year. I've missed my blog and I've really missed writing and this is very hard for me to admit and even to talk about but unfortunately after 10 years of marriage I am currently going through a divorce. Both on an emotional and legal level I can't say very much about it but I will say that my heart is broken into a million pieces and I cannot imagine it will ever go back together. 

Over the past few months I've been drowning in sadness but then I started looking at pictures from the past year and realized that even though I was so down at least I was strong enough to pick myself up and CREATE my own happy memories for me and my daughter. Even though I've shed more tears and felt more broken than any person should ever know, I did laugh a lot...I became very close with some friends, saw how much people truly cared about me, I met a lot of new people, some who have changed my life if only temporarily. And I did actually have some interesting LIFE LIST experiences which was unexpected but I've turned to my list when things aren't good and the outcome is life changing.

 Typically when I post my year in review I have 30 or so items to talk about which is certainly not the case today but the experiences I did have were genuinely special and unforgettable. 

The goal of my blog used to be focused on how I lived the life I wanted on a modest budget as a stay at home mom....I guess now it'll be about how I am going to live the life I want on a single mom budget with very little free time. In the past sharing my stories with you and always receiving such positive feedback kept me very motivated and inspired me to do more - there is no doubt that it will do the same for me again but presumably this time all of these things that I write about will become moments in my life that are even more sincere and noteworthy. This blog never has been just about travel or 'just' about "LIFE LIST GOALS" every time I do something from my list it has changed me in some way. So I don't think this ever has been frivolous but it certainly will not be now.

I spent a lot of time feeling overwhelmed this past year but these are things that made me smile....

I took my daughter to a Buffalo Farm that had been on my life list for YEARS and she liked it so much we ended up having her 5th birthday party there! How I convinced 22 people to drive 2 hours away makes me think I'm in the wrong line of work!

We spent the night on the largest sailboat in Michigan-it was AMAZING!

                                                            We were on the news! I"ve always wanted to be on TV!!!

I flew a seaplane!

This proud Michigandar's dreams came true at work! 

We spent a day raspberry picking just because we had time to kill...

We took 2 amazing trips to Traverse City!

I finally bought my DREAM mattress so I could get a good nights sleep...unfortunately the little one likes it too...

Got a major ego boost from a 22 year soldier at one of the finest weddings I've ever attended ;)

In a surprise turn of events I ended up having the best birthday I've ever had...EVER!

I surprised my daughter with a kitten for her birthday!

I took over the 'plant department' beginning with very little knowledge and can now say that I'm a self taught botanical expert!

My daughter and I had our 4th Hula recital and then became part of a group where we performed at 9 other shows this past summer!! AND actually got paid!

We spent a day at trampolining...how can you not be happy when you're jumping...

I got to be very creative at work and also took on a second job that I adore and is proving to be invaluable experience. 

Along with these things I also bought the car of my dreams and I started taking Archery classes that I attend on Friday nights. So maybe it wasn't the worst year ever...it was just the year that my heart broke. 

"The more difficult something is, the more God is going to multiply you. you're not going to come out the same. You're going to come out better than you were before." 

LIFE LIST JOURNEY HAS BEGUN

Almost 2 years ago I was considering finishing my M.A. in Linguistics, so I went to a few open houses at the University I graduated from and ended up bumping into a familiar face-the husband of one of my French Professors who happened to be an adviser for the graduate studies in Liberal Arts program as well as the undergraduate studies in German. I felt very obligated to finish my M.A. even though my heart is not in it and I have no real need to complete a Master's. The truth is that I should have never even attempted graduate school, though I'm sure (fingers crosses) at some point I'll look back and see a valuable reason for all the time/money and effort spent. We talked for a long time, I told this prof my true feelings about where I stood with a graduate degree and I also mentioned my passion for languages and that if I was following my heart I'd really just want to study another language. Then he said something so simple to me- "It sounds like you want to learn German." Where I knew this, it was like hearing someone say to me was like receiving reassurance that it's ok to do what I actually wanted to do and not just what I felt like what I was supposed to do. The professor was supportive and encouraging and it hit me- 'I do not want or need to complete my Master's at this time, what I want is to learn German. So that's just what I'll do.' Now, can I even do this? Can I 'regress'? Having taking graduate level courses at another university could I even transfer back to my previous college for a second degree? I spoke to a few of the people I needed to then sent a series of emails to the advisor to which he replied with a long email and a lot of steps to go about how to begin this process. And I kept that email in my inbox for 14 months looking at it periodically, each time feeling overwhelmed and knowing this was going to be a lot of 'work' just to get myself back in. I constantly think about what that psychic said to me 'you accomplish everything you set out to do, it just takes you time.' That couldn't be more true. I started a blanket when I was 14, put it aside for a while then one day when I was 17 I thought 'I'm finishing that damn blanket-I picked it up and 3 months later surprised my grandma who had assumed I had long ago tossed it in the trash. It's like for me, I just very much have to be in the exact right mood, and one day in July I was online, probably looking at pinterest, and thought I'm going to look at the email again and just see where I need to begin. Step 1. Re apply. Ok, I'll do that right now. Several hoops needed to be jumped through in order to make this all happen and so quickly. In fact I ended up meeting the deadlines on the day of. Here I was in Maryland with my daughter getting ready to spend the day sightseeing in D.C. on the phone with the office of the registrar at my 2 Universities, sending faxes and paying hefty 'overnight' fees. Alas, I was accepted into the program!

On my first day last week, I was so nervous I thought I was going to pass out mostly because I was so totally embarrassed to be the oldest person in my class (saying that makes me want to throw up) however...it's actually not too bad...IN FACT- I LOVE being the older one in the class. These kids kind of look up to me and ask me for help. It makes me feel needed! AND because of my extensive experience so many things are just 'old hat' to me and if there is one thing I'm good at it's learning a language. So far, it's going great! And I'm really glad I finally decided to go for it.

There are several reasons why I wanted to learn German but I feel like this post is already too long!

I found the quote below to perfectly sum up my challenges with the German language, perhaps it's only because I'm in the moment but I'm finding German grammar to be far more complex than learning the Arabic alphabet and pronunciation which was once my greatest feat.

"My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it." -Mark Twain

LIFE LIST: SWIM WITH STING RAYS

Where: Castaway Cay The Island in the Bahamas owned by the Disney Cruise line.

When: September 2014

Cost: $40 Which was a total bargain! We got to spend 1 hour with the sting rays, we spent about 15 minutes feeding them-they would swim up on the board above to get their treats then we had about 45 minutes to ourselves to roam around with the 40 + "de barbed" sting rays in Disney's enclosure.

Why this is on my list: This was actually one of the main reasons I chose the Bahamas as our cruise destination. Of course I want to swim with sting rays!

Will I do it again? I LOVED this experience, it was actually one of the highlights of the trip. It was such a memorable thing to do with my friend, Tonya who joined us on the trip along with her little family. The day before we had gone swimming with dolphins which obviously was incredible HOWEVER that company left such a sour taste in my mouth I almost cancelled the sting ray adventure, I am so glad I didn't!!! I didn't realize that the sting ray thing was owned by Disney and like everything Disney was spot on. From start to finish every minute was awesome-The guides were informative, funny and as friendly as every other Disney employee, I felt safe, I liked being able roam around freely,  . There's only ONE thing I would change...I didn't have an underwater camera. After I went to Hawaii I swore that I would never again go on a tropical vacation without investing in an underwater camera. It didn't even occur to me until I was in the water with these bizarre creatures that all I had with me was my iPhone. I would totally do it again, it was affordable, safe, well organized and unforgettable, but next time I'm bringing an underwater camera!

Shout out to The Detroit Apparel Factory for sending me to the Bahamas with my 'DETROIT LOVE' tank! From now on I'll be exclusively rockin Michigan themed tees on my adventures 
-Check out their website and support your local businesses!

To see daily posts please 'like' The Ultimate Life List on Facebook.

LIFE LIST: PUT A BOA CONSTRICTOR AROUND MY SHOULDERS

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of a snakebite and furthermore                                        always carry a small snake.

Where: North Beach Maryland.

When: July 2014 on a road trip with my daughter.

Cost: FREE!! What's better than an unplanned surprise LIFE LIST item-ONE THAT'S FREE OF COURSE! 

Why this was on my list? I certainly do not 'have a thing for snakes' by any means but I just always thought it would be cool to put a boa around my neck-why not?! I've actually searched for places online but have never found anything. I was TOTALLY surprised to see this guy letting people hold his snake (that sounds gross) for free on the boardwalk (maybe that wouldn't be so surprising). At first I was really nervous because this was just a guy hanging out...it wasn't a secure environment with a real 'snake handler' or anything so I didn't feel like I had a lot of faith in this man when he said 'everything was going to be fine.' 

Will I do it again? At first I just held the snake, but while I was holding it, its head jolted towards my face in a quick motion-it scared the crap out of me and I did not hesitate to return the boa to its owner. I hung around debating whether or not it was worth the 'photo op'. Alas, I thought 'I'm going for it! We'll just do it quickly...like reeeeaalll quick. After all, I was there, the snake was there....this was meant to be!' It certainly made for an interesting evening...but here's what I found the most interesting-here are 2 guys that what-rolled out of bed at 5h in the afternoon and said "hey man, want to take the snake to the boardwalk?" "Ya bro, let me put on a shirt-eh, screw the shirt....I'm not going to wear shoes either- let's just go."

Please like The Ultimate Life List's facebook page to see daily updates and pictures!

Related posts:
Last Minute Trip to D.C.
Hold a Monkey