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HELLO!!!! It has been forever since I've written, well 8 years....do people even read blogs anymore? Does anyone read anything anymore? Will I have to make mindless 20 second clips on tik tok to feel relevant? Today is my birthday and I thought what better way to celebrate than to get the ball rolling again!
So much has changed in the past 8 years, the only thing that seems to be the same today from the last time I wrote is my car that I drive (which for the record is still not paid off) and my love of being a mother....I am remarried, I had another baby, a sweet little boy, I have a whole new career, I bought my dream house while I was a single mother.....
I have certainly missed writing my blog and always hoped that I could get back to it one day. I realized just a few months ago that now would a good time for me to begin again. I lost my Aunt, who was my best friend and I was going through my old emails from her and saw an old blog I had sent her and her reaction to it made me so happy that it just hit me- I need to write again. I loved it and writing made me happy. This will help me get through my grief. Not to mention, my Aunt was the person with whom I shared my thoughts and goals, who will I talk to now?
I found another email exchange between us from over 10 years ago where I had asked her for her Life List and it was such a delight to reflect on her dreams, many of which she was never able to complete....I want to go through her list, I want to check off the things she didn't have the time to do. I think that will keep her close in my heart. Grief is hard and for me I find that the best way to cope is to keep busy, which is easy for me now being that I have an 11 month old baby boy AND I'm working full time so that certainly helps.
Upon all this 'reflecting' I realized how much my blog had motivated myself! I forgot how much I did because of my blog....I never would have gotten braces as an adult! I don't know that I would have lost as much weight as I did after having my daughter-WHICH BY THE WAS WAS 100 LBS! It gave me something to write about and pushed me to accomplish my goals. I always enjoyed writing about my adventures, experiences, dreams and goals but when I got divorced and became a single mom I just didn't have time and emotionally I had to deal with the divorce...not only did i carry my grief of the divorce I had to carry my daughters as well. I know there are a lot of people having 'divorce parties' these days- which I'm sure is just a distraction but the truth is that divorce is no fun and especially when children are involved there is no good way to celebrate a heart that is broken particularly if it's the heart of a 5 year old little girl. My ex husband moved out 1 week after my daughter Zeeva's fifth birthday. She was little and not one moment of such a big change like this was easy. To say that I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy is an understatement...."God hates divorce because it hurts the people HE loves".
As challenging as being a single mom was, we really were a team and absolutely rocked it. We have always been very close and going through this together created an unbreakable bond. It WAS hard but I will always cherish our time together and I HOPE that she was able to learn a lot during this period, I certainly think it strengthened her spirit. As my daughter got a little older she discovered my blog on her own and much to my delight, she really likes it! She tells me all the time that she shows it to people and since she was the reason I started writing it in the first place. This is my love letter to my children, my advice to them and a place they can always come to for moms stories and inspiration. My goal in writing publicly before and is now to be living proof that you can be a middle class person and have the life you want and accomplish your dreams and goals...it just takes effort and a desire to work for it.
Eight years ago my (ex) husband left me when I was a stay at home mom, I had just a part time job, ZERO benefits, I had a house and became a single mom and had to completely change my life WHILE going through the "Emotions'. The ONLY help that I had was my mom, my mom retired in large part to help me with my daughter and because of my mom watching her I was able to alter the course of my life. The other was prayer. At every turn I SUNK MY FAITH IN GOD and each time HE SHOWED UP AND DID MORE THAN I COULD HAVE THOUGHT OR EVEN IMAGINED. And because of that here's what I was able to accomplish and get through....
- I started a new career
- I sold my house
- I bought my dream house!! AND IT HAS A POOL AND A HOT TUB!!!!
- I had 4 surgeries
- I had a miscarriage
- I lost my grandpa
- I got remarried to a man who treats me in the way I always dreamed of
- I had another baby, a little boy who's filled my heart with more joy than I could've ever imagined
- I lost my Aunt, my biggest source of support
- I took 13 vacations filled with pictures, experiences and memories I will treasure forever
