Funny Christmas Quotes

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark." -Dick Gregory

"Santa Claus has the right idea-visit people once a year."-Victor Borge

"What I don't like about office parties, is looking for a job the next day." -Phyllis Diller

"Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?" -

"Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty...and it was worth it."

"Did you ever notice that life follows certain patterns..like every year around this time I hear Christmas music." -Tom Sims

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world and people keep sending it to each other." Johnny Carson

"Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish they're weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it." Charlie Brown

"This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket, so all the people I don't like can kiss my ass."

"Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person ever for Christmas....I woke up in a box."

My Perfect Birthday

   

    I have decided that I do not want to make a big deal of my 30^th birthday, instead I would like the hoopla to be over my 29^th birthday as it will be a substantial year of my life and I would prefer to have grand memories from a b-day in my 20’s. Here are my 29 wishes for JUNE 15TH 2012, if some of the things on list happen it would be so nice but if they all happened, it would be perfect. Today is the 2 month mark and I will re-post this on the 15th of every month-this is ample time to make all this happen!

My 29 wishes for my 29^th Birthday

1. A surprise visit from someone I haven't seen in a long time.
2. A margarita at ON THE BORDER
3. a 2 and a 9 candle on my cake
4. find my old friend Tonya
5. to talk to my old friend Reza
6. matching outfits with my daughter
7. to reach 100 pounds lost
8. to wake up in our new house
9. a call from my dad
10. maybe an itunes gift card
11. fit into my old size 10's
12. some sort of a surprise
13. I'd like to get my hair dyed again
14. I want to use the gift certificate from last year for a mani/peti
15. I want to buy a straw fedora
16. my step dad to finally copy that Native American Indian chant record
17. wake up to premade coffee
18. wake up to my scented candles already lit
19. chapstick
20. I would like to spend the day at the zoo with my daughter
21. rent a movie at night
22. dock station for my iphone
23. I realize I will not get 100 blog followers by then...I'll settle for 1 more!
24. at the zoo I'd like to watch my little one feed a giraffe
25. i'll come with 3 more things..
26.
27.
28. get in touch with my amiga Maria- CHECK!
29. get an iphone-GOT IT!

"Age is something that doesn't matter-unless you are a cheese."

LIFE LIST ITEM: GO TO THE MOVIES ALONE

When: December 12th

Where: MJR movie theatre


Why I wanted to do this: Not too long ago I was telling my Aunt how my mother always goes to the movies by herself, and I said 'I could never do that! I would feel like a loser!' my next statement was 'I should put it on my list!' Now that I am a full time mommy, my opinion has changed, I'm just looking forward to have some time to relax! Now, I understand why my mom has always enjoyed going to the movies alone-she has 4 kids! And now, even though we are all adults and out of the house, we do bug her a lot on the phone- so I'm sure she also looks forward to her time totally to herself.

Cost: $5

How I paid for it: Asked my husband for money.

What I would do differently? Got popcorn.

Will I do it again? I totally would, I think it might be a new guilty pleasure of mine-another favorite guilty pleasure - going to church alone-I don't know why but I've always really enjoyed going to church by myself, I went this past weekend for the first time since my daughter was born and I felt like it gave me so much much needed clarity.

Something I would recommend? Yes, I think if you have children, it's a great way to find yourself.

Good gift/surprise? Well, dropping someone off at the door of the movie theater and saying 'get out, I'll be back in two hours' might not be the best gift for everyone----I wouldn't mind it though.

Life changing? Sure-something I used to think was such a big deal and that I would never do-I did and I LOVED IT!!!!

The Movie- I saw NEW YEARS EVE- I could not have seen a more perfect movie, it was holiday themed so of course I loved that aspect of it but the movie itself was all about completing a resolution list, surprises and grandiose acts of love- all my favorite favorite things! I was in heaven-this movie romanced me, completed me and had me at hello!

On the way to the movies- Well, I'm not going to lie, my husband did drop me off and say 'i'll be back in two hours' he was going to take our daughter to visit her grandparents so I thought this would be the perfect time for me to indulge in this LIFE LIST item. I thought this snippet of our conversation on the way to the theater was worth sharing....

Me: I'm a little nervous.
Joel: If you had your CPL and sig mosquito in your purse you wouldn't be.
Me: No I'm not nervous that I will be attacked at the movie theater at 4h this afternoon---I'm afraid someone will look at me with a sad face and feel bad for me-like I didn't have anyone to go with me.

"I restore myself when I'm alone" -Marilyn Monroe

Christmas Floral Arrangements

For those of you who are new to THE ULTIMATE LIFE LIST – this blog and my LIST are about getting the most out of life, having incredible experiences, creating memories that make you smile and having as much fun as possible. I decided to do 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS because it is the most special time of the year, there are a million little things that make it so enchanting with so much to see and do. Every year Christmas sweeps me off my feet and I want to share with you my ideas on how to enjoy Christmastime to the fullest! My wish this year is that you all are dazzled by the Christmas spirit, in my opinion Christmas rejuvenates the soul.

    Here are some floral arrangements I made when I was at my flower shop. It’s funny to me to look at these now, I like them and can remember the customers who ordered them and the wonderful compliments I received but I have had so much experience since then, so I look at these and think about what I would change- I miss that job so much. I can’t imagine that I will ever have a job again in my life that I love THAT much. I'm feeling inspired…..

Christmas in Maryland

For those of you who are new to THE ULTIMATE LIFE LIST – this blog and my LIST are about getting the most out of life, having incredible experiences, creating memories that make you smile and having as much fun as possible. I decided to do 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS because it is the most special time of the year, there are a million little things that make it so enchanting with so much to see and do. Every year Christmas sweeps me off my feet and I want to share with you my ideas on how to enjoy Christmastime to the fullest! My wish this year is that you all are dazzled by the Christmas spirit, in my opinion Christmas rejuvenates the soul.

    Here is a list of what looks like some fun things to do in Maryland during the Holidays…in case you’re in the area….

Christmas Service at Patuxent United Methodist Church

Acme Bar and Grill

Ram's Head Tavern

Adventure Park USA-World's Largest synchronized music and lights show

Winter Festival of Lights at Watkins Regional Park

Annapolis Carriage Ride

Annapolis Santa Speedo Run

Annapolis Santa Stumble 

Applewood Reindeer Ranch

ICE-Gaylord National Resort

Christmas in D.C.

For those of you who are new to THE ULTIMATE LIFE LIST – this blog and my LIST are about getting the most out of life, having incredible experiences, creating memories that make you smile and having as much fun as possible. I decided to do 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS because it is the most special time of the year, there are a million little things that make it so enchanting with so much to see and do. Every year Christmas sweeps me off my feet and I want to share with you my ideas on how to enjoy Christmastime to the fullest! My wish this year is that you all are dazzled by the Christmas spirit, in my opinion Christmas rejuvenates the soul.

    Here is a list of what looks like some fun things to do in Washington D.C. during the Holidays…in case you’re in the area….

Santarchy 

Arlington National Cemetary

U.S. Botanic Garden

National Christmas Tree

Christmas Lights at the National Zoo

Train Display at Union Station

Free Holiday Music at the Wilard Hotel

LIFE LIST: ICE SKATE IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER

When: December 2003

Where: Rockefeller Center New York, New York

Why I wanted to do this: I went to NYC for the first time when I was 20 years old in the summer of 2003 and I quickly fell madly in love and had an intense affair with the city that lasted 3 months in which I visited 5 times! I went with 5 different people and once I went by myself. This was the last time I visited NYC, mainly because I ran out of money...and by that I mean that I had maxed out my credit card. On this trip I had talked my longtime friend Dwayne into going with me and since it was winter and Christmastime of course I wanted to ice skate in the famed Rockefeller Center.

Cost: I think it was only a few dollars, and we had brought our own ice skates so we didn't have to rent them there. I must mention that there is a new 'express pass' you can buy now for $75 and that gets you onto the ice immediately-otherwise you have to wait in line outside-if I remember correctly we waited about an hour and it was very cold but SO WORTH IT!

How I paid for it: Well, the skating was not expensive but the trip itself was put on my credit card!

What would I do differently? Nothing as far as the ice skating goes....as far as the trip went, I was kind of a jerk to my friend and I wish I could take that back.

Will I do it again? I hope so! It was such an incredible experience!

Something I would recommend? Not only is it an absolute must if you are in the city but it is worth the trip to just experience New York at Christmas!


Good gift/surprise? The gift of travel is the best gift you could give a person! Personally any trip to the ice skating rink would be a terrific gift! You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it! I can barely stand on skates but I LOVE IT!

Life changing? It was. The ice skating experience was life changing in that, as I always say, every time you create memories that make you smile it changes you and makes you better. It's always surreal to visit these iconic places that you see all the time in pictures and on television, it's so cool to actually be there in the moment to create your own memories, story and experience. The trip was life changing in many ways too-it seems that they always are in one way or another. I tried to move to NYC after this trip....though I guess it just wasn't in the cards for me.

My funny ice skating story: Well, I am not now nor have I ever been good at ice skating-I'M TERRIBLE! Thankfully Dwayne was very experienced on skates therefore I had to hold onto him most of time. Rockefeller Rink is a very busy place and there were a lot of people on the ice, all ages and all levels of skill-I do remember thinking that I was probably the worst skater there. Towards the end of our time on the ice Dwayne wanted to skate a few laps without me dragging him down and I need a break anyhow so he left me to hold onto the rail in front of the window ( there is a restaurant and viewing area on both sides of the rink so everyone inside can see you) I did feel a little odd just standing there while all these people were watching, no matter- I would turn my back and do a little people watching myself....then all of a sudden a brigade of small children came inching along the very same rail I was holding onto. There was about 10 of them, I was outnumbered and they were not slowing down! I was confident that I could not actually let go and just let them pass or I would fall and be run over by the 200 professional skaters on the rink! I had to make a quick decision- if you can't beat 'em join 'em! So I myself started inching along the rail with both hands, now leading the pack and now completely facing the viewers in the restaurant. It was humiliating and I could hear the little kids becoming aggravated that I was moving so slowly. Luckily Dwayne rescued me before the children began hurling obscenities at me.