"Santa Claus has the right idea-visit people once a year."-Victor Borge
"What I don't like about office parties, is looking for a job the next day." -Phyllis Diller
"Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?" -
"Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty...and it was worth it."
"Did you ever notice that life follows certain patterns..like every year around this time I hear Christmas music." -Tom Sims
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world and people keep sending it to each other." Johnny Carson
"Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish they're weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it." Charlie Brown
"This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket, so all the people I don't like can kiss my ass."
"Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person ever for Christmas....I woke up in a box."